encore une fois? no,thank you

stop and stare..but don't stare too hard 'cuz your eyes might sore from all the insanity around.
people..i reckon i am surrounded by people.all sorts of people.i'm not gonna remind you all the categories of people,i'm sure you've already met at least one of each kind.and in case you haven't,i'm sure you will.

today,i'd like to contradict myself.i usually say i love the world i love in,it's diversity that makes it unique and i fancy that this diversity never gets me bored.well,as usual,it had to backfire.
i was watching the 5 o'clock news (accidentally,i usually don't watch tv) and the first thing esca bursts out of her large mouth was something about a woman getting beat up by her husband,somewhere in a small village of our beloved country.nothing unusual,i think to myself.then,queue the footage with images recorded with a cellphone.
i never wanted to throw up so badly in my entire life.the images weren't graphic and nothing out of the ordinary....but the impact.i turned off the tv and decided it was high time for me to go running(i recently started jogging).and i ran(no more than forrest gump,don't worry).thoughts were speeding through my head and tears came streaming down my face.it's not just that news on tv,but everything has piled up and it had no place else to go but my face.i wanted to shout so loud,to deafen everybody.i just can't stand it any more.

i understand people are likely to disappoint you.what hurts the most is the fact that when you least expect it,people you care about manage to tear you apart and leave you with your mouth half-opened in amaze.when you can't seem to find someone to talk to and cry out from the top of your lungs but only on the inside,cuz nobody listens to you,you start to wonder if is it ok to love this fucked up world?is it just fine to carry on living in the same shitty society which is guided only by the most deceiving appearances?if not,what is there to do?nothing...

these wake-up calls are just flashes of sanity which don't move us enough to take a stand.this world suits so fine for the majority,that the minority has to shut up and put up with it.ironically,they start to enjoy it at some point and forget how outraged they used to be and don't even give a shit anymore.
today,i am disgusted by everything that's wrong around me.i usually am,but today i reached that point when i couldn't play along and had to express the anger i have in me.

yep,i sure did change the world with this post.i most certainly stopped wife beating,world hunger,human trafficking,robberies,bribe giving and taking.i must have made made humans more kind,loving,caring,honest,giving,peaceful and so on.if i wanted to do that,i wouldn't have wrote a post.
i just had to take it off my chest and since i have a blog..well you can do the maths too.

give me the words

in love with life..as simple as that

confused

very very confused si ca s-o parafrazez pe lav...i'm so lost i cannot be found.

happy

there's nothing i can do or say to make you comprehend how happy i am...

have an orange

i know i am too ironic,too sarcastic,too uptight,too cold,too distant,too "couldn't care less"...but today,i'm the one giving you free love

reply

deci am avut un motiv foarte,dar foarte bine intemeiat pentru care nu am fost la filosofie:am dormit si am avut cosmaruri cu globalizarea(am mai visat si un ceas mandru si ceva cu niste foci..nevermind).plus ca n-aveam chef sa-i scriu 10 pagini cand pot sa-i spun verbal tot ce-mi fata mintea despre liber arbitru si libertate sociala.
oricum aveam de gand sa scriu despre blastula aia care se intituleaza profesoara de (urmeaza enumeratie) economie,logica,filosofie,psihologie.am ratat ceva?nu.bun.
persoana aceasta habar n-are cu ce se papa predatul la o clasa de elevi de liceu.Pur si simplu apare,sau se infiltreaza in clasa.vorbeste o ora intreaga plus jumate de pauza despre verzi si uscate.ea greseste,ea se corecteaza,da nspe mii de sinonime pentru un amarat de substantiv.ma enerveaza la culme ca nu ne pune sa gandim,nu comunica avec nous,nu isi da macar putin silinta.
aaaa...si cand se intampla sa citeasca cineva ceva in afara materiei predate si sa-i puna o intrebare(logica,la care ca profesoara de filosofie ar trebui sa fii in masura sa raspunzi) se face ca ploo si trece elegant mai departe.si dup-aia se mai si ingrijoreaza ca vai,singura ei eleva care e atenta la ora lipseste.dar nici nu ma mai duc.mai bine ma uit pe discovery.
am asteptat cu atata ardoare clasa a 12-a,sa fac si eu filosofie la alt nivel,pe langa discutiile superbe cu oameni pasionati de ea.dar nu mi se arata.marturisesc ca am invatat mult mai mult din acele discutii decat din ce "preda" ea. Lav,mersi ca m-ai pornit.chiar trebuia sa zic toate astea.i feel so usurata :)

egalite?..mais pour quoi?

Ma aflu intr-o foarte dilema.adica,nu prea pricep eu cum sta treaba cu egalitatea,cine o vrea si cine n-o da.
logic si normal mi se pare ca cei mai batuti de soarta(din orice punct de vedere) sa vrea sa fie egalii celor mai fericiti de noroc.nu-mi inchipui vreun patrician vrand sa fie in locul plebeului.
deci,dorinta de egalitate works only one way.
ce am mai observat eu este ca dupa ce intr-un final,dupa mari sfortari ai ajuns sa-i fii egal celui pe care il ridicasesi pe un piedestal si zisesi "eu ca ala vreau sa fiu",se pare ca aspiri la un picut mai mult.presupun ca intervine ori lacomia,ori dorinta de a fi un exemplu mai bun de urmat decat cel pe care il avusesi tu. bun.cele de mai sus presupun ca se aplica pe plan material,spiritual,comportamental...next.

feminismul din cate stiu eu milita(militeaza) pentru egalitatea in drepturi intre mujeres si hombres.mie imi este foarte evident ca nu sunt egale cele doo categorii mai sus mentionate,dar sunt foarte de acord cu aceasta miscare fiindca le-a oferit femeilor posibilitatea de a merge la scoala(pe langa alte chestii formidabile),which is a very big deal.ok,acum daca tot femeia poate sa fie preot(si nu doar preoteasa),ce-ar fi sa mearga si la razboi?
ook,here i have a problem.poate am eu o gandire mai invechita si aiurea,dar zau ca nu vaz cu ochi buni o femeie comandant de armata.adica da,recunosc sunt persoane capabile de asa ceva,dar de ce sa nu-i lasi pe barbati sa faca asta?daca tot se pricep.zic... probabil infrirmierii din armata sunt mai draguti decat cei din spitale..dunno. parerea mea este ca daca s-ar fi vrut de la bun inceput egalitate totala si indiscutabila,am fi fost toti androgini.
moving on,mai am o problema.tot legata de egalitate si uniformizare.desigur,este vorba deee...(si trebuie sa-i multumesc profei de engleza pentru repulsia pe care o am fata de acest cuvant,asa-i Lav? ) GLOBALIZARE. din cate stiu,globalizarea este un mandru proces prin care se vrea implementarea unei economii,culturi,politici cu caracter universal.(correct me if i'm wrong sau daca aveti completari/aviz "boemului rational" miclowan)
noh,eu pur si simplu nu pot trai cu ideea.e ca si chestia cu uniformele dar aplicata la scara mondiala.that really gives me the creeps.
mie imi place la extrem lumea in care traiesc.daca ar fi totul roz si pufos m-as plictisi incredibil.but that's just me.la fel m-as plictisi daca nu as avea diversitate.e ca si cum ai avea posibilitatea de a alege..dar ai o singura optiune.mandru,nu?
trebuie de asemenea sa tii cont ca ce ii face fericiti pe altii,e posibil pe tine sa te dezamageasca sau sa iti creeze disconfort,deci daca tot alergi spre egalitate,macar gaseste-o pe aia care-ti convine.dupa cum bine zice proful meu de mate,daca n-ar fi prosti pe lumea asta,cine ar mai trage ciubotele? i couldn't agree more.adica daca toti am fi la fel de destepti,bogati,spirituali, frumosi,inventivi.. cum ne-am diferentia?ce ne-ar mai face speciali?

eh,mai bine ma intorc la subiectele de mate.da,am BAC-ul anul asta.nu,nu prea imi pasa dar parca am prins drag de vectori si logaritmi..asa,deodata.(...NOT)

noua mea feblete

iubirii mele eterne si nemuritoare

Draga Andrei*,(parc-as fi la clasa unu)

Iti scriu azi fiindca azi mi-am adus aminte de tine.(plus ca n-am ce face si melodia** care-mi tiuie de jumate de ora pe repeat ma inspira)
Vreau sa-ti zic ca eu fac bine si sper ca si tu faci tot bine.Mi-e foarte dor de tine si tocmai mi-a picat fisa:noi poimaine aniversam 15 ani de cand suntem impreuna dar separat.Cu aceasta ocazie,tin sa-ti urez Aniversare placuta! si iti fac un cadou,dupa parerea mea,frumos:o rememorare a relatiei noastre tumultoase si pasionale.
1 decembrie,grupa mica:ne-am vazut pentru prima data langa niste cuburi mandru colorate
15 decembrie,grupa mijlocie:ne-am vazut pentru a doua oara(a trecut atat de mult timp pentru ca eram in gasti diferite si rivale si capii acestora ne-au interzis orice eye-contact si noi-ca sa vezi-i-am ascultat) langa un castel de cuburi,de fapt aceleasi,dar oleak mai spalacite.
21 ianuarie,grupa mijlocie:ne-am privit insistent in fata usii de la baie apoi am plecat hipnotizati si cu un vag fior de indragosteala in corazonuri.
22 ianuarie,aceeasi grupa:mi-ai marturisit ca-ti place cum desenez norii..ioooi ce m-am mai inrosit atunci si am fugit repede la doamna Nuti sa-i zic ca "uitati ce nori frumosi am facut.si lui Andrei i-au placut"
...am continuat asa pana la marea data de 8 martie,grupa mare de data asta.atunci mi-ai oferit o ciocolata ambalata in hartie cu inimioare si mi-ai sugerat sa ne asociem intr-un cuplu de indragostiti.ooo si ce fain fuse de-atunci totul.stropii de ploaie nu ne mai udau,ne trecuse frica de intuneric(minciuna sfruntata),mancarea de la gradi avea un gust mai bun,vanturile de vest incepusera sa bata prin dobrogea.ei,ce mai,tzunami de dragoste se revarsase peste noi.

dar vai,deodata si neanuntata veni clasa unu,cand tu a trebuit sa te muti undeva la dracul in praznic si legatura fuse intrerupta,credeam noi,vesnic. a trecut ceva timp si am ajuns si in clasa patru,cand ai catadicsit sa te muti inapoi si sa te inscrii la scoala mea(proprietate pesronala) si te-ai inrolat in clasa patru a(rivala clasei mele, patru b).stii bine ca dulce fuse revederea.imi aduc aminte ca ne-am zarit in toiul unei batalii cu castane pe terenul de fotbal/basket/handbal.si printre proiectile,ochii ni s-au intretaiat,apoi gloabele oculare s-au innodat intr-o hora de scantei.oricat de emotionanta ar fi fost revederea,aceasta a luat sfarsit brusc,intrerupta fiind de clopotul ce anunta ca trebuie sa intram in clase(propozitie culeasa dintr-o compunere din clasa patru,scrisa la putin timp dupa ce ne-am revazut) si cum noi pe atunci nu stiam ce inseamna a chiuli,ne-am conformat. am aflat apoi de la terte persoane ca te-ai batut cu castane si cu alte fete si am hotarat sa fiu suparata pe tine.
apoi pe la sfarsitul clasei patru a trebuit sa te muti la dracul in praznic(2) si de atunci ochiul meu nu a mai vazut chipul tau de maur blond{natural[pe atunci nu stiam ca maurii sunt negri(si nici nu eram obsedata de ei)]} cu ochii albastri. pana in momentul de fata,ne-a mers bine.tu ce zici?

Cu drag,Luana.

*Andrei e dude-ul care mi-a furat iremediabil inima inca de la gradi
**Sugar Ray-every morning(ii pun link mai tarziu fiindca acu mi-e somnic)

if

press play

hun,i'm home.sugar,i've made it,i'm big,i'm so gonna be famous.were are you?i've got huge news.you have to see this newspaper,have you read it this morning?where are you hiding,hun?

he passes through the narrow hall between the kitchen and the small living room.peeks through the bedroom's half-opened door then reaches the bathroom.the shower is running and the curtain is pulled.

hun?guess what?they're finally releasing my album!it's gonna be a great show in one of my producer's club and all the fine artists in the industry are going to be there.hun,we've made it.no more rent,no more walking,no more chinese food from the fast food down the corner.we're done with all that.say something,you know for how long we've been expecting this.c'mon sugar,this is huuuuge!

a dark feeling throws a pale shadow of concern on his happy shinning face.slowly pushes aside the curtain,hoping it's not what he thinks it is.but nobody is there.closes the tap and heads for the bedroom.nothing looks out of ordinary.the flat has never been perfectly clean,and today is no exception.clothes lie on the floor,pizza slices hang from the radio,beer cans that used to form a pyramid are scattered away on the table and the tv is running.a documentary about drug addiction is on.

"teenagers usually confront with this problem especially because they are curious and have an easy to manipulate mind.they want to reach higher states of mind,search for spiritual freedom when their body and actions are in chains..."

shuts the tv and lies on the bed.as he reaches out for the phone,he hears a faint noise coming from somewhere in his right.takes a look on the floor and sees his beloved girlfriend agonizing with a syringe next to her.

hospitals always repulsed her.the smell of death and medicine never was her favourite.not to talk about the cries of pain or grief you can hear all around you.it's hard being a visitor but it's even more depressing being there as a patient.

hun,what on earth have i done?i know i was at home.i wanted to take a shower then order some food.i know i heard you when you came home.i remember you were talking but it's all so confusing,i couldn't make out one single word.it was like a thousand bees trying to sing a gospel or something.nothing makes sense...i...i don't..

sugar,don't try to speak now.it's ok,you're going to be fine.the doctors said you got them pretty scared with that OD,but you're going to be just fine.

...overdose?hun,i've been doing this for about 6 years now,i'm sure it's impossible to have taken too much.

hun...but why?and how could i have been so blind and not see..you were so sociable,always happy and positive..i..i never thought that you needed to take something to be like that.you never acted like an addict.i'm really sorry i didn't see it.i could have help you quit,there is a way back,you know.i'll get more involved..i..i promise.

sugar,what are you talking about?i can't make out what you're saying.it's senseless.what has my insulin to do with all this?